wow it feels like forever ago since i blogged last! ha! well we made it safely to iowa a few days ago (thank the Lord above) and we’ve been visiting emma for a few days now!

we’ve been having sooooo much fun with emma this trip! my goal was to take less pictures and to actually play with emma and dane more! so far, so good. i would post pictures from our trip, except photoshop is broken on the lap top and hopefully when we arrive home-i’ll have an hour or so to run the photo’s through some photoshop and post some that i managed to take.

home sickness has been in full force lately. ugh. i can’t even begin to describe how homesick i really am…i miss the ocean, the mountains, woods, my house, our routine, lila’s routine, our cute little town of rockport. i wish there was some way i could bring maine and the ocean to iowa….so we could have both emma and maine (puffy heart). unfortunately life just doesn’t work that way…but in the meantime we’re here and i’m sooo happy to be with emma! i totally forget where i am when she’s around..it’s typically during our down times i get all depressed. anyhoo we have two more days and then back on the airplane again. we hope to do a fall trip ..praying to God we can get the funds!

here’s a little preview of our trip! miss emma and i on the ferris wheel in orange city, iowa at the tulip festival. they celebrate dutch out here! the festival reminds me of our lobster fest in august (in rockland maine)…except we celebrate LOBSTER! ha! we’re not dutch..more like Norwegian/Irish and maybe a little indian:) anyways we had fun with emma today!

let me first start off and thank the good lord above..for blessing me with a little human being that calls me “mahmmmah!”

a few people have been on my heart this mother’s day-especially those who desperately wanting to be called “mama” so badly, but still fighting the battle of infertility. i know the feeling, but ever so slightly-nothing even remotely comparable. this mother’s day was a bit rough around the edges for me because of my two losses earlier in the year-but to those fighting infertility or recurring miscarriages, God’s plans for our life are exceedingly better then we could ever imagine for ourselves. i have to keep reminding myself of that. and though my two angel babies are safe with God, i spend this mothers day wishing they were here so i could be their mom. to love them unconditionally, to kiss them, to cuddle them, to watch them grow and to hear their laughs. it hurts. buuut i know God isn’t done with growing our family  just yet;) anyways my heart goes out to those who are suffering either losses or can’t conceive just yet, i’m praying for you!

with that said, i can’t forget what God has BLESSED me with! both lila and big sister emma:) though i’m just the step mother, i do a lot more for emma (behind the scenes) then she’ll probably ever realize. i hope to become closer with her-be brave enough to talk to her a little more on webcam and just being an active parent her life along with my husband. as for my sweet lila-i plan to be there every step of the way during her (harder than usual) journey in this world. i can’t say it enough how proud i am to be both their mommy/step mother! God has sure made me into one blessed mama!

last but certainly not least– i want to say happy mommy’s day to my mommy n’ law! she is by far the best mother to both dane and i..like ever. she literally comes to my house once or twice a week, watches lila, cleans my ENTIRE house (seriously i have no clue how she does it all in a afternoon-i need lessons!). she’s there when we need her..she never judges us and our mistakes..very accepting..and VERY giving too! so happy mommy’s day to you mommy n’ law!

the brown stuff all over lila’s face is chocolate ice cream! lila must’ve inherited daddy’s ice cream genes..because she LOVES the stuff! i’ll give her my cone and she’ll just suck the ice cream right in her mouth..like a vacuum! ha!

and camden maine in the distance and to the left! spring is such a pretty time of year in maine:)

in all i had a lovely relaxing mommy’s day! thank you lord!

also we bought danes mom some lobsters for a mother’s day present..and we decided to show lila what these creatures were all about. can’t you tell how excited she was about the situation of meeting one? she did end up trying to touch it’s claws! ha! i’m scared of the darn things..and i guess dane’s mom is too-hence the dish cloth!  we decided to indulged in a little more of maine before we leave tomorrow! ugh i’m already home sick and we haven’t even left for iowa yet!!!!!! i just keep reminding myself–emma, emma, emma!

happy mommy’s day to all the lovely momma’s-soon to be momma’s-and even to those who one day will be a momma!

well we start our journey’s to iowa tomorrow. to those who pray..please pray for our family and safe travels:) my poor husband is scared to DEATH of air planes and flying! ha!

anyways it’s pretty sweet-love you husband! i’m sure i’ll post another blog at the end of the day..with some pictures! everyone loves pictures:)

A Mothers Way

 Who can sooth the pain away? You can Mom

Who can always brighten my day? You can Mom

Who can comfort me all day long? You can Mom

Who gently corrects me when I’m wrong? You do Mom

A Mothers hug drys all tears

A Mothers love cures all fear

A Mothers voice is joyous sound

A Mothers grudge is never found.

Mom you are a haven of rest

Mom you always give me your best

I love you so much words can not say

I’ll always cherish you all of my days

-Dane Jackson (from Lila)

chiropractor-”this is going to hurt a bit. typically placing ribs back into place can be a bit painful”

me-”is it going to make me cry?”

hahaha. yup i said it. wow. i figured i might as well extend my drama queen baby attitude from yesterday into today:)

]]> http://www.myhollandblog.com/blog/2012/05/12/family-quotes-pain/feed/ 0 http://www.myhollandblog.com/blog/2012/05/11/personal-stuffvanity/ http://www.myhollandblog.com/blog/2012/05/11/personal-stuffvanity/#comments Fri, 11 May 2012 23:54:19 +0000 admin http://www.myhollandblog.com/blog/?p=1820 NOTE: the images in this feed have been downsized or removed for copyright reasons. To see them in their unmodified state, please view the original post by clicking here.

for a mommy’s day present from my hubby- i decided for the first time EVER to go to the salon to get my hair colored and a small trim.

for the most part i’m all for the “natural is more beautiful” look. i don’t like nail polish, any kind of make up (only concealer to cover up a pimple here or there), i’m not a big fan of ugly/big/in your face jewelry..i’m very content with tiny diamond studs in my ears and my wedding bands. i haven’t colored my hair in about 5 years and that was from a box! i would like to consider myself a hippy in some ways..i love bare feet! no sox for this momma!

anyways vanity got the best of me. last summer lila was just born, so we didn’t go to the beach as much as i would’ve liked too. soooo my hair didn’t get those natural sun highlights and was SUPER dark this spring. so it thought after a baby and two miscarriages, it would be nice to be pampered and get pretty-fied. well today’s experience was a lesson..probably from God himself.

so i get the foils in my hair and the salon lady feels them and mentions that they are WARM and to rush me to the sink to wash them out ASAP! i freaked..OMG seriously? i didn’t use any products..actually when i get out of the shower i put my hair in a bun for goodness sakes!  i was a hair coloring virgin..what the heck? come to find out i must have some harsh iron in my water (which i told them that our water was fine based on no stains in the toilet and the smell was fine)..seriously maine has the cleanest water in the USA..and apparently the water we drink from is NOT! err. anyways i sit back down in the salon chair and notice hair..my hair was falling out! OMG. OMG. OMG. it looked like white christmas tinsel all over the apron and in my hands…the drama queen in me started to bawl right in the middle of the salon. i guess i know where lila get’s her drama queen from…ME! though my hair broke off in some spots, because of being totally fried to death and i had some splotches of blonde because they had to wash it all out before some of the foils could color my hair..it actually came out ok. all my hair in still in my head…phewwww! i was sent home with some hair repair crap to use this month..but i’m pretty confident my hair will bounce back pretty quick!

so if God was teaching me a lesson about vanity..i’ve learned my lesson. got the point 110%! i plan to be content with what God has blessed with! this will not only be my first hair coloring experience..it will be my last-ever. next summer i’m going to grab some lemon juice or sun in ..and highlight my hair that way!

i was really hoping to do the ombre look..dark roots with blondish hair…BUT since summer is coming and my hair naturally highlights from the sun, i decided it was pointless. with a few beach visits my dark roots would turn blonde! i’m sure after my highlights and the sun highlights grow out this fall..i’ll get my ombre look that way:)

so  don’t be freaked out by my picture..lol. i actually like the choppy-ness of the coloring…i can deal with it, after all i’m just happy i have some hair left over! i’m sure a month of summer sun and beaches will fix the problem!

 i do want to make point that it wasn’t fully the salon’s fault..and have big plans to go back at the end of the summer for a trim:)

and yes my husband thinks it’s hot!:)

just recently i’ve been DVR-ing the Dr. Phil show:)

tonight i’ve been catching up on the shows i’ve been behind on and ran into this episode about a football player father-he has 4 children with 4 different moms. the mom’s accused (which i fully believe) of him being a dead beat dad. dr. phil had a great message that really hit home for me (in so many ways). i went through most of my childhood without my dad-from early grade school up until my junior year in high school- he just up and vanished out of my life. though he paid child support, he was never there physically and emotionally…and that effected me big time. of course i’ve set that aside, forgiven and now fully love my dad…the fact that he was never there will always be there though. he sure has been there for me now! my up’s and down’s..danced with me at my wedding-was there when lila was in the NICU and said the things i needed to hear during my miscarriages. he’s an awesome dad! dr. phil talks about how not having a father in a child’s life can really effect both girls and boys and i’m so blessed beyond words that i never went down that road. of course i was a strong Christian growing up and had some amazing friends-which i feel is primarily why i didn’t get knocked up as a teenager.  it’s only a 4 minute video..i HIGHLY recommend the watch, especially the end..if you’re a dad-debating to be or not to be a part of your children’s lives..always be there no matter the circumstances or distance!

funny that i posted this just before mommy’s day! ha!

my dad came over for his monthly visit-playing with miss li:)

a few weeks ago i photographed my friend Jill’s stroller in town rockport.

she makes the coverings for the bugaboo strollers (i reeeeaalllyyy want a bugaboo stroller!).

she’s so darn talented with that sewing machine i tell ya!

you can check out her website HERE!

and the leather came from THIS company!

]]> http://www.myhollandblog.com/blog/2012/05/08/my-job-maine-baby-treats/feed/ 0 http://www.myhollandblog.com/blog/2012/05/07/in-pictures-the-wagon-ride/ http://www.myhollandblog.com/blog/2012/05/07/in-pictures-the-wagon-ride/#comments Mon, 07 May 2012 23:32:56 +0000 admin http://www.myhollandblog.com/blog/?p=1792 NOTE: the images in this feed have been downsized or removed for copyright reasons. To see them in their unmodified state, please view the original post by clicking here.

dane dug out the wagon he picked up for lila last summer–off the side of the road for FREE and we gave miss Li her first wagon ride this evening! she loved it:)

i purchased a new set of actions for photo-shop…it was well needed. the last set of actions i purchased was like 2.5 years ago! whoah! i figured i needed a change. so i did a test trial on these photo’s to see what i could come up with.

i’m loving this shot with miss and i! i hope to have this series printed on 10×10 matboard for our *hopefully* new house-probably in the dining room, i’m thinking LARGE collage  of all of our candid family moments!

so i was out running a million errands and came home to this……

daddy cleaned up lila and put her hair in pigtails! ha! it def. passed mommy hair inspection..i walked through the door and all i could do was giggle when i saw miss lila!

last week i was doing my daily blog stalking and ran into my favorite photographer of all time--lauren clark! i started following her in the fall of 2007, just after i got my first DSLR camera. i loved her photo’s, and her life. her adventures seemed like so much fun and i looked forward to her blog posts every single day! and eventually her photography (amount a handful of others) really inspired and shaped my art today! anyways she reached her 8th year anniversary and wrote up a super nice blog post about her journey’s through her career and how it eventually changed and evolved her to who she is today. you can click here for that post.

to say the least it was an eye opener. completely. photography can bring fame, fortune, traveling, attention and many other “good” things–but for me..as a christain woman photographer, it’s a whole other story! when i first started my journey’s to be a photographer 5 years ago, it was different. DSLR’s were expensive. my first DSLR canon xt 8mp was $800. and really that should be worth in today’s market like $200 there weren’t many photo-shop actions, tutorials, marketing material websites, logo designs on etsy (heck i’m not even sure etsy existed), blog websites, templates…actually photography was not a market to sell too, because only a few were in it. fast forward 5 years and BAM photographers are popping up everywhere. DSLR’s and equipment are suddenly affordable–people are starting to become good photographers FAST because of the resources out on the internet (heck it took me 4 years of college and many hours in the dark room with film to even accomplish half of what people are accomplishing in 2 months!). as lauren posted, it feels unfair. what took us earlier photographers years to accomplish, takes people now only a few months. of course the passion/desire for the art form is what you truly need to succeed–not so much the technique. i was at first upset with my new current competition. i couldn’t believe it! here i am barely surviving the hard economic times and people are just *PUFF* magically photographers for CHEAP and i sit and watch my clients go to them-heck money talks right?!:) in laurens blog post, she really talks about how that just doesn’t matter to her anymore. fame, fortunate, material things and anything else that evolves around photography just doesn’t matter. do it because you love it, because it’s your passion-but don’t let it consume your life and take over what is most important, family/friends and most importantly God. so that’s my goal. let those new photographers come. let them give photography a try. let them do it because everyone else is doing it. heck it’s a free country right-and they may end up finding they have a passion for art! it just doesn’t matter to me anymore..if the clients love my art and willing to invest in the photography–then YAY for them and me!:)

through my own growing and changing process in photography–i’ve realized that i want to eventually use my knowledge and teach others. i want to become a college professor and teach photography! and to add to my list of goals i REALLY have this desire to go on mission trips and use my photography for GOD! that’s been on my heart lately ( or better yet the past few years) and i REALLY hope God opens doors for me, because that would be such an amazing (yet out of my comfort bubble) opportunity in my life. to help people with my photography and/or help in general. we’ll see:) then add MORE to my goals i want to clearly grow our family, love my husband, be a better Christian and lead others to God, maybe take up painting and try to attempt cooking a meal or clean the house..haha!

so in all-thank you lauren clark for your eye opening post! and please read her post if you’re a photographer or i guess anyone in general..her photo’s rock!

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